Ok, I’m a little ticked at a few people for various different reasons. Even though this is usually my happy, cheerful place, I just have to vent what I’m too polite to say in person. Here’s my rants for the week:

1. Don’t lecture me on religion. Even assuming that I give a flying f@ck about the religious opinions of a pretentious slug like you is annoying to me. I took comparitive religion in college, in fact I took so much theology and philosophy that if I never see another one of those classes, I can die happy. I don’t think that I’m holier than thou, you just have yet to tell me one thing that I didn’t already have to regurgitate for a paper or test. If I have a question I will ask you. I can assure you, my problem is not that I’m too shy to ask, it’s that I’m too polite to tell you to shut the f@ck up. In fact, lets cure that right now. You wanna “Buddha says” me again? Charlie says to get your head out of your ass so that you can see the world past the tip of your own sanctimonious white trash nose. Charlie says that you have to quit being a Psycho Hosebeast to truly experience enlightenment.

2. Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re an idiot just because you don’t have a degree?? They assume that they need to lecture me on every little thing just because I didn’t finish college. I learn at least one new thing every day. I intend to do this until I die. You would be able to do this as well, if you weren’t so busy polishing the frame with your diploma in it. In fact, I think YOU’RE the idiot because you paid all this money at a fancy school for a degree, and then you had to start at entry level on a job that has so little to do with your degree that it’s riduculous. I’’m just waiting until I decide on a career before I get my degree, so it can be relavant to my daily life.

3. I think that the Sneaker Pimps have the perfect quote for my next rant

“Don’t think cause I understand …. I care
Don’t think cause we’re talking ….. We’re friends”

Your problems are only mine because you insist on trying to make them so. So I walk away, and you’re left standing there flapping your trap about how I’m going to miss you. Well, the remarkable thing is that the only thing that I’ve noticed that’s gone from my life is the huge weight on my shoulders.

4. Don’t assume that just because I’m Catholic that I hate every other religion and all it’s practioners. That’s you projecting your bigotry on me. And don’t assume that I’m insensitive to your practices or beliefs, you might think that rant number one was evidence of that, but that was me targeting an individual that I’m fed up with, not an entire religion. I will apologize right now, in case I made anyone uncomfortable.

5. Talk about friendship ending acts: don’t go tracking down my friends anymore. If I get one more call asking me if I’m allright because some little girl with the world’s biggest case of denial is calling them, then I’m going to start returning the favor. And you will not like the result, I can assure you. Just put back on your rose tinted glasses, and go back to pretending everything’s ok – just do it without harassing me or my friends anymore. I’m angry currently, but don’t make me feel cornered, ’cause If you wanna play dirty, I’m gonna win. I have been your staunch defender for months, and you’ve given me nothing but grief for it. You have managed to tear down every good thing that I’ve ever said about you. That’s what you get when you force someone to choose sides. Just let it die there, and retreat to your corner with what dignity you have left. I wash my hands of you.

About Matt

In 2002 I started contributing to Open Source software, and life has just gotten better from there. Co-founder of WordPress, founder Automattic.
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